SQUEEZE ME IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Friday, December 29, 2006

let's see. x'mas is gone and in another 2 days time, its going to be 2007. time really really flies and i dun really know whether im ready.. for NS? for U? for all the nitty gritties that are going to come with it? oh well.. i guess whether im ready or not.. its still going to come and time doesnt wait for anyone so i decided that i had to do some readup on my scholarship applications today. didnt go for training in the morning and spent the whole afternoon reading up on the scholarships and basically getting some of the personal resume all done up.

ive actually decided to apply for 4 to 5 scholarships but the 2 that im confirmed applying are MAS and Astar. haha.. okok i can hear people screaming in shock and some of my closer friends going.. nigel you fucker.. what the hell are you going to do in uni with mas and astar? haha. so this is now an official announcement of the course ive finally decided on ..

first choice => medicine (hopefully getting LSA and staying in sg =( )
second (and most probable) choice => bioengineering ( majoring either in neuroscience or immunology in a US uni and minoring in lit and jap? egyptology? wine-tasting? haha. )
third choice=> econs at a jap uni (so desu)
fourth choice => lit and ppe (anywhere for that but us uni would be best)

so there you go. haha.. ive got plans A to D and i think they are pretty realistic as you can see. im actually more interested in doing bioengineering than becoming a doctor but i guess i will still try out for medicine though im quite sure i wont get it cos im just not cut out to be a doctor. if i do then ppl better beware.. dun come to me when you are sick cos i may just end your life.. or worse.. put you through more torture because i prescribed the wrong medicine. haha.. irony..
what about MY passion in lit then? yea yea.. many ppl ive spoken too would probably know that my real curiosity and passion lies in english lit and all the various permutations of lit.. from poetry to prose to drama to even haikus.. haha. okay maybe not haikus but you get where im going at.. i guess ive decided to put my foot down and really be realistic here. i know i would probably feel happier in lit and would really enjoy my uni life if i do lit.. but what about life after uni? isnt that where the real enjoyment of life really comes? family life? parents? standard of living? i guess i had better stop lying to myself.. i come from a really humble middle class background and my parents(especially my mum) have really shown me so much love and concern that i really want to let them a live a life of luxury and of course.. let ME live a life of luxury too.. hahaha.. materialistic himbo .. but what to do. its INNATE. so live with it ppl.. lol.
and bioengineering is not that bad afterall.. doing bio has always been my second passion.. and im really interested to know what goes on in the brain!! haha.. like you know studying and all.. and after i graduate.. coming out to research and produce drugs for ppl.. thats noble too.. so i dun really mind. and if i do bioengineering.. and do get an overseas scholarship.. i would be able to go to US and do a lit module too.. haha. so whats the harm in that eh? yeah.. so ive decided and my mum is fully supportive of it.. so i guess everyone is happy. and most importantly im so relieved too for having finally gotten off the fence and making a decision that i can live and stick with for the rest of my life.

ok back to present .. im actually getting very confused over whether i should really go for national team training. if i do start.. that would mean close to an everyday commitment thing that would take up three quarters of time and virtually eating up my life. and further more.. the national team is kinda screwed. there's no team spirit at the very least and there just isnt the usual unity that was getting me back to training time and time again that i had in hwachong. everyone there is there just for the sake of NS.. and once they are done with it.. they will leave. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK ?!?! POLO IS A TEAM SPORT IF YOU GUYS DUN ALR KNOW!!

and ivan's right. sometimes i dun see a point in going for their trainings and half the time.. the only reason im there is because my hc seniors are there.. like renkai, diyang, diyan and ivan. the rest? i dun really give a shit.. cos i dun really knoe them in the first place and also because so many of them there are arrogant bastards. trainings there have become so individualised that i dun see a leader leading a team to any destination but rather a group of highly anxious and scattered ants basically running around in all directions and are unable to get anywhere because they are all trapped in a bowl. but i do still want to play polo very much and it keeps my fitness there too.. so now im reallly really confused. and my brother told me that renkai commented that i was very slack in training .. only going when i want to .. haha. he doesnt if know me well enough and yet he's making such comments? haha. you must be kidding my ass! when there's a a true purpose in going for training like back in A div.. i dun even miss a single session.. even when im sick.. but when there's just no purpose in going for national training.. why should i be there when ppl there arent even serious about it?

oh well.. maybe im too narrow-minded and myopic and just jumping to conclusions. and i must admit.. im damn slack too. haha. but you cant blame me ok.. its really hard to get back to the rigorous training schedule after stopping for so long and thinking that you were never have to get back to it again. haha.

im tired .. will blog another time soon. cya guys!!! oh ya.. btw.. here's a shout out to all my friends who are december babies.. to eddie, chris and nick : HAPPY BIRTHDAY PPL!!! MAY ALL YOUR WISHES AND DREAMS COME TRUE!!!!
ciaos.